So I decided to do one more blog post before the year officially ends. I don’t know how much I actually have to say tonight, but, I have said that before and then the words spill out of me like so much lava. So tonight, I am going to reflect on the things I have done this year and the things I may want to do better next year. I will not be making any resolutions. Resolutions make no sense to me–why wait until the end of one year and the beginning of another to change? Why not just change when you are thinking about it instead.
So anyway—- 2017 has been quite a year for me. I have had so many ups and downs, I can’t quite believe I managed to survive them. Some of the things I remember most are finally getting my meds straight and getting into counseling. That was probably the most productive thing I did this year. I also kicked out and brought back Choney and Adrianna. I don’t know how I feel about those things. It really depends on the day. I stopped talking to my dad and stepmom. This was good for my soul and my brain, but not so much for my heart. I am slowly working my way back in, so we shall see what next year brings.
Samantha got a boyfriend, Keaton, who is amazing to her and I have never seen her this happy. She turned 22. UGH. She has kept her job this year also and is moving up in the company. I hope good things keep coming her way. She is amazing and she deserves it.
Skyler was made night manager of his company and is doing great. He has a girlfriend, Dominique, who is also awesome. They have had their struggles, but are currently living together and doing pretty well as far as I can see. He drives a mustang, which he loves and puts all his money into. At least it is something productive. They have a husky named Maya. She is a wild animal but cute as sin.
Deven–my baby– turned 21 this year. Holy balls batman. If that doesn’t make me feel old…. He is finally buckling down and knocking school out. He graduates from Freedom High in May 2018. Super proud of him. He is growing up, slowly but surely. I think. He is so freaking smart. He makes music–rap–and his songs are amazing. I hope that someone somewhere sees his stuff. He says he doesn’t care if anyone sees it or if it goes anywhere, but I still think that would be a nice coup for him.
My dogs, Whiskey and Koda, turned 4 and 6 this year. This makes me sad because time is moving too quickly with them…..yet it makes me happy that they have been in my life this long. I cannot describe the depth of emotion I have for those dogs, especially Whiskey. He just makes me whole.
My cats, Niko and Kendal, are 9 and 7 this year. Whoa! I cannot believe they have been in my life for so long. They are my babies as well. CJ would be 8 this year. I hope he’s living well, wherever he is. It has now been 4 years since he went missing.
I am still working at Milagro—with some of the greatest people I know. I still love my job and love the population I work with. I don’t think I will be leaving anytime soon.
I have been at the same address now going into my 8th year. I can honestly say this is a record for me. Who knew my wanderlust would finally calm down? Certainly not me. I love my house–even though I am only renting. It is perfect for my family right now. I may decide to buy in the future but right now its a distant thought.
Since I am talking about my family—-I would like to send some shout-outs to the people in my life:
Babe–you drive me fucking crazy. Some days I would rather punch you in your face rather than look at you or be around you, but at the end of the day, I love you more than life. You are my rock. Thank you for not only being you, but for putting up with me day in and day out. I do fear there may come a day you won’t anymore, but I hope I can get my shit together before that happens. I love you so much. 4 life baby!
Skyler–I love you son. I love you so much more than you will ever know. You are my firstborn. I know I didn’t always do right by you, but you turned out to be such an amazing person—even though I cannot take all the credit. I am so proud of you and all you have done with your life. j You are so smart and motivated and funny and talented. Thank you for stepping up for me with all my car issues. Thank you for having my back and making it known. I appreciate you so much! You are so great and I love you so very much. Keep doing amazing things. Thank you for putting up with me all these years—I know it hasn’t always been easy.
Samantha–I love you best daughter ever. You are my only daughter and the light of my life. I love you so much more than you realize. You are my steady, sarcastic, beautiful, funny, amazing baby girl. I am so proud of you and all you have accomplished. You have really grown in the last couple years and it is such a joy to watch you. I am so glad we are so close and I didn’t ruin you with all my bullshit. Keep on keeping on with your bad self. I love you and appreciate you so very much my beautiful girl. Thank you for always putting up with me–I know I am hard to deal with.
Deven–my baby boy. I love you more than there are words. You are my ground when my feet aren’t steady. I can always count on you for a laugh and when I need you. You may grumble, but you always come through for me. I cannot tell you how much that means to me. You have always been the one who can make me see the logic in life–no matter how much I hate it and don’t want to. You have come so far. I am so freaking proud of you for all you have accomplished. You are so smart and talented and funny and reliable. Thank you for putting up with me for all these years–I know I am a nutjob. I love you and appreciate you so very much my Tipper.
Mom–I love you and appreciate you more than you realize. I know we have had a long rough path to get to where we are today, but I want you to know that since we have started communicating again (going on three years now), our relationship is the best its ever been. I know we have our moments but I cannot thank you enough for attempting to understand me and my disorder and making such a great effort to accept me for all I am. Knowing that you try is such an amazing feeling. I love you so very much. Flex too. I wish you health, wealth and happiness in this coming year.
Diana–thank you for being who you are in my life–who you have always been; my other mother. There are so many times in my life I don’t think I would have survived without you by my side. Thank you for being on my team and being there for me in ways you probably don’t even realize. I love you more than you could ever know. Thanks for being my cheerleader in my so very chaotic world. I wish you peace and happiness and love in the new year.
Michele—I cannot even tell you what you mean to me my friend. You are my sounding board, my bitching post, my friend, my sister. I love you more than you know. I thank God every day that I met you. Who knew we would end up so close considering how we started out. I love you so very much. Thank you for putting up with me.dd
Chandra–my BFFF. God I love you. I know we don’t spend much time together, but you will always be my heart. I couldn’t survive without knowing you in my life. Thank you for being you and never tossing me away because of my anti-socialness. I love you for that……………….and so, so much more!
Edy—I cannot begin to tell you how much you mean to me. Thank you for always, always being there for me. I know we need to spend more time together. We need better memories than a psycho (but hilarious) trip to Vegas….haha. Thank you for being such a great friend. I love you so very, very much!
Linda–I feel like I have known you forever. I love hanging out with you. Thank you so much for being there for me and my family in so many ways. From fixing the dogs face with a sock to scouting out furniture for your vacation home. You are amazing. I am so glad I know you…. I love you so very much!
Mandy–You are the best supervisor and friend anyone could ask for. You make coming to work such a pleasure. I cannot imagine not working with you, so neither one of us is allowed to leave now. I have so much fun with you–both inside and outside of work. I love you so very much! We need to go paint soon! Thanks for putting up with me. It is so appreciated.
Dave–Holy shit, I don’t even know what to say to your crazy ass. Thank you so much for being my friend and never expecting more than I can give. Thank you for listening to me bitch about my life and letting me dump all my bullshit on you. Your feedback is invaluable, even though I hardly do what you say. You are the one person I can completely count on for direct balls out honesty, even when I hate it. You are me in male form, without the BPD. I love your face. Thanks for being my friend. Now… move in with your damn girlfriend already. Sheesh. Its been almost six years.
To all my other friends and family—-Thank you for being in my life. Knowing you guys and knowing you are always there for a chat, a funny, a bitch session, whatever, makes my life so tolerable. I thank you all for not judging me—or at least not telling me you’re judging me, haha. Thank you all for putting up with me through all these years… it means more than you realize.
I wish all of you peace, happiness, health, wealth and fun in the coming year.
Peace out 2017. Lets pray the next year treats us all better!