New Word.

I learned a new word yesterday. Stalkery.

Stay tuned. I will use it soon….. I heart it.

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12 hours to nowhere…

 

So over Christmas break, me and my family of six, plus my dad and stepmom were supposed to go ride the Polar Express in Williams, AZ.  If you don’t know what that is, it is a cute little train ride based on the movie “The Polar Express”. Look it up.

Anyhoo….. it was planned for Christmas eve. So we left good ol’ Albuquerque at 645am headed west to Williams. About two hours outside of town, we hit another little town called Hell..errr Grants. It was here that things went downhill.

Driving along at a nice 75-80 mph, I decided the car in front of me was not going fast enough, so I wanted to pass. I moved over to the left lane…………………..and hit some black ice and went into a flat spin (this is a Top Gun reference, btw) in the fucking median. I blew out three tires. THREE!  Just an FYI–I only have FOUR!  And I blew out THREE!  Holy fuck my life, right? The slide and spin ripped all three tires off their rims and embedded dirt, rocks and grass inside the actual tire.

However, I  am still tripping on the fact that we didn’t flip. There is really, truly, honestly no reason why we shouldn’t have. I have a small SUV–Suzuki Grand Vitara. Seriously should have flipped.

So after we stopped spinning (felt like days, was really only twice) we ended up BACK on the freeway heading the same direction we started. WTF?!!!!  I immediately started heading toward the exit that was about 100ft ahead. My bf wanted me to pull over on the side of the road–but I was not going to stay on that road and be a sitting duck. No thank you sir!

I managed to get off the exit ramp and to a gas station. I had three flat tires at that point. It was great. (sarcasm alert). I called my son, who had luckily left after we did so was still behind us at that point. Him and my other two kids showed up about an hour after we spun out.

While we were waiting for my kiddos, we decided we would at least change out one tire to get shit rolling. WWWEEEELLLLLLLLLLL….just kidding. None of my tools for tire changing were in my fucking car. Way to be prepared asshole. UGH!

Luckily there was a Walmart nearby so we bought the stuff we needed there when my kids got to us.  Nothing like breaking down by a handy Walmart. Woot!

Fast forward three hours—we finally got back on the road. The kids and my bf banged up the tires enough to hold air.

All of a sudden I get a call from my child telling me I need to get off at the next exit because my 4th tire is now going flat. Are you fucking serious right now? KMN

Soooooooooooooooooooooo..we pull off the next exit. LUCKILY there was a truck stop mechanic shop there. We went over there and asked them if they could reseat and clean out all my tires.  They did. It cost me $15 a tire–but hey!

At this point, we had managed to get 2 hours out of Albuquerque in 6 hours. Go us!

So we continued on our journey…

My dad and stepmom were ahead of us about an hour and a half or so, so they had called and said that it was snowing in Flagstaff, so be careful. Shiiiit…after what had already happened, we were up for anything!!!!!!  (kidding–I was a wreck)

Mind you, I was having small panic attacks every time my bf hit the brake or was going too fast after our spin-out.  But I was trying to be brave. Kind of. So off we headed to our Christmas destination.

It started to snow as we hit the east end of Flagstaff–no biggie. However, the further west we went, the more the snow and the icier the roads. By the time we reached the west end of Flagstaff, it was a full-blown blizzard and the roads were solid ice. My boyfriend was driving and luckily for all of us, he does very well in the snow. And the fact that I literally couldn’t hardly function after the wreck made me pretty fucking useless.

My son was driving his brand new (a week old) mustang. Which, if you have ever owned one of these, is pretty worthless in the snow and ice. It is a super fast car and he did come prepared with chains in case of snow. So at one point he got stuck and decided to put his chains on. However, the moment he pushed the gas on his turbo charged vehicle, it pretty much shattered the chains that he had just put on moments before. Too much power is not a good thing all the time. So there went that.  We pulled over as soon as I knew he was stuck–because there was no way in hell I was leaving that kid after him coming to our rescue—and following us the entire way (when he really wanted to blow up the highway in his fast car) to make sure there were no other tire problems.

So there we were on the side of I-40 westbound at the west end of Flagstaff stuck uphill in a white out blizzard with both his and my cars. Super fun. (another sarcasm alert)

At one point, highway patrol stopped and told us we needed to move. Ummm, hello? Do you not see we are fucking stuck dickwad? Come on now. He left us there. Way to protect and serve……you twat.

After about an hour of being stuck on the side of the road, watching all these cars and semi’s pass us, sliding like crazy, DOT finally showed up, got us both out of there and we proceeded to the next exit and got off the freeway. At this point, the snow was over a foot deep.  Ok, I may be exaggerating a bit…but for real it was at least 6 inches. And solid ice on all the roads in Flagstaff.

 

My cousins live in Flag, so we called her and she gave us directions to her house. Unfortunately her house was 17 miles back the way we came.  It was 430 at this time.

Super long story short–after two hours of trying to drive through Flag to get to my cousins house, we found a parking lot and pulled in. My son had had enough of driving in that shit with his car. We parked there, called my cousin and she sent her hubs and his friend to get us.

We finally got to her house, 17 miles away from where we exited at 430pm, at 743pm.  THREE HOURS later.  And they closed the highway right after we got off of it.

The most horrid Christmas eve day in my life.

What makes this story ironic? When we got off the highway, we were only 1/2 hour away from our actual destination. And we couldn’t even try to make it because they closed the fucking highway due to the blizzard.

Fucking seriously?!

And, and, AND, they wouldn’t give us any refunds even though only 2 of our party of 8 made it to the train and hotel. HMPHF!

So all in all…. it took us over 13 hours to make a 5 hour trip and we didn’t even end up where we were supposed to be…….

Worst. Dream. Ever.

So the other night, I had a dream that my daughter died. Ummmm. Worst. Dream. Ever.  I don’t recall how she died, all I can remember (and not fucking forget) is how devastated and destroyed I was. The emotion from her dying in my dream was the most intense, painful, heartbreaking, broken feeling I have ever had.  I woke up from the dream sobbing. And I don’t mean just sobbing–I mean ugly ass, hyperventilating, snot running everywhere type of crying. I cried for about 20 minutes straight, then fell back to sleep. Super weird.

But the reason I am even mentioning this is because since then, every time the thought of that feeling crosses my mind, I break down into the ugly crying again. I cannot control it. It is like I am feeling it all over again. 

If this is what having a child die feels like, then it better never happen while I am alive. And my whole heart goes out to those who have had this happen. I. literally. Can’t. Even.

I even looked up what those types of dreams mean. What I found was that they are supposed to be you (the dreamer) mourning the loss of some type of situation with the person who died.  It doesn’t mean actual death, but more of the death of a current life you are living with that person. Perhaps they are getting ready to travel a new path in their life that will alter the way you interact with this person or change the way you live with them now. Say a child going off to college, or the military, or a marriage, or whatever.—-A big life changing event.

Unfortunately, that did not help my emotional circus that was happening after the dream.

I immediately sent my daughter a message reminding her how much I love and cherish and am proud of all she is, was, and will ever be. It made me stop and rethink our relationship and realize that I need more interaction with her while she is still in my house—

Because one day she will move on with her life. And holy crap–emotionally for me? That sucks.

Today me and my daughter have a date!  Yay!