Just a thought…or two.

Since I am writing, I thought I’d get something else off my chest.

A month or so ago, I had a conversation with my stepmom. During this conversation, she asked me about my car and said she was glad I made it to and from my vacay spot without any issues with it. I kind of got a little irritated with that and was like, why do you guys worry about my car so much, when I have had it for six years and it has NEVER broken down or had issues, unlike everyone else’s cars in this family? My car is fucking fine.

Her reply, ” ok well, I guess I will let you go now”.  And hung up. And did not call me again. For a month. Actually at all. I called her.

When I saw her next, the first thing she said to me was this; “glad you are feeling better, I knew that you would get back on the radar when you felt better”.  UMMMMM  WHAT. THE. FUCK.

How did any of that conversation lead to me feeling bad and jumping off radar??? I still don’t know. I assume this though—and even though assumptions usually are not correct, I am willing to bet this one is.

She assumes me getting upset was my “little disorder” as she calls it rearing its ugly head. When my “little disorder” comes up, my dad and stepmom tend to ignore me till I am done throwing my “fits” as they call them. My dad actually refuses to believe anything is actually wrong with me. My stepmom will at least acknowledge I have an issue–even if she doesn’t acknowledge what exactly it is.

However, every time something happens, its never anyone’s fault but mine and my “little disorder”.

What a lovely relationship I have with my family.

Would it be too much to ask for them just to leave me out of everything? I mean seriously. Sometimes I feel that would be the best solution. Being around them just gives me anxiety like fuck. Days before I even get there, my anxiety is so ramped that I get shitty with my boyfriend and my kids.

Can’t I just disappear? It would just be blamed on my “little disorder”.  I think I am fine with that.



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