Just a thought…or two.

Since I am writing, I thought I’d get something else off my chest.

A month or so ago, I had a conversation with my stepmom. During this conversation, she asked me about my car and said she was glad I made it to and from my vacay spot without any issues with it. I kind of got a little irritated with that and was like, why do you guys worry about my car so much, when I have had it for six years and it has NEVER broken down or had issues, unlike everyone else’s cars in this family? My car is fucking fine.

Her reply, ” ok well, I guess I will let you go now”.  And hung up. And did not call me again. For a month. Actually at all. I called her.

When I saw her next, the first thing she said to me was this; “glad you are feeling better, I knew that you would get back on the radar when you felt better”.  UMMMMM  WHAT. THE. FUCK.

How did any of that conversation lead to me feeling bad and jumping off radar??? I still don’t know. I assume this though—and even though assumptions usually are not correct, I am willing to bet this one is.

She assumes me getting upset was my “little disorder” as she calls it rearing its ugly head. When my “little disorder” comes up, my dad and stepmom tend to ignore me till I am done throwing my “fits” as they call them. My dad actually refuses to believe anything is actually wrong with me. My stepmom will at least acknowledge I have an issue–even if she doesn’t acknowledge what exactly it is.

However, every time something happens, its never anyone’s fault but mine and my “little disorder”.

What a lovely relationship I have with my family.

Would it be too much to ask for them just to leave me out of everything? I mean seriously. Sometimes I feel that would be the best solution. Being around them just gives me anxiety like fuck. Days before I even get there, my anxiety is so ramped that I get shitty with my boyfriend and my kids.

Can’t I just disappear? It would just be blamed on my “little disorder”.  I think I am fine with that.

Really.

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I forgot…I suck. My bad.

So today I get this phone call from my father. In the middle of the day. Which is never a good thing—because it just means he wants to bitch at me about something that I cannot or will not control. Today is was bill collectors who call his phone (according to him, daily) and demand that I pay them money. I have told him repeatedly that I have not given anyone his phone number or address in over 12 years, but he still insists on believing that I give it out to everyone I come in contact with. This has to explain why these people will not stop calling him.  My dad tends to believe what makes him feel better and doesn’t make him feel guilty.

Before I go on, let me explain that my family has a knack for exaggerating–so when he says they call him daily, in reality it is probably a call or two a week.

So I tell him to tell them to stop calling his number, that he doesn’t know me, I don’t live there, I have never lived there, I died, whatever he wants to get them to stop calling him. I told him even to give them my phone number and address. He swears he does but they just keep calling him. And stuff like this pisses him off.

I don’t blame him. Bill collectors are assholes. They piss me off too……..but seriously, must we be this fucking dramatic about it???!!!  Come on now. I doubt they are really taking up so much time out of your life that you must waste this much energy on getting angry and calling your daughter and making her feel like shit about it when she has repeatedly told you there is nothing she can do to make them stop.

Well, aside from paying the debts. However, that is not going to happen. Number one, he cannot even tell me who is calling about what, so I don’t have anything to go on. Number two, some of those debts are probably school loans, and since those are over $60,000, and I am probably not paying those in the next 20 years since I have yet to make enough money to cover my bills plus that, he will keep getting calls. Sorry pops. Your daughter is a fuck-up—always has been, always will be. I just wish you’d learn to accept it. Your life would be much easier. Seriously.

My conclusion is this I guess. Stop making me feel bad. Tell them to fuck off. And stop answering your phone. Its 2016, who needs a landline anyway? You both have cell phones.

Or better yet–pay them off for me, then the calls will stop completely. How bout that one?

Either way–nothing is going to change except the fact you are going to drive a bigger and bigger wedge between us. So if that is your goal, good job!