I Had to Check on my Tenants…..Rent is Due.

A weird thing happened to me on my way to work. I have no idea why or what I actually heard now, but I do know that when I heard it, it was so funny (and real)  to me, I added it to my list of blog ideas I keep in my phone…… yet now????  Who knows?!!?!!

There I was, driving to work, the same way I always do, listening to the same station I always listen to, when this commercial came on. It was about an RV campground east of the area where I live. The reason it caught my attention was that it was in my area and to my knowledge I had never known or heard of an RV campground with as many amenities as this one had near my casa. It had everything you could ever want to camp with: pool, hot tub, mini golf, internet connections, games, fun, food, etc!!  Like I could literally go on a mini vacay minutes from my house! Awesomesauce I say!

So i was listening to all the details about it……..and then they gave the name of it. And I swear to GOD on everything I hold dear, the name I heard them say on this radio station was…………. GIZEM TRAIL RV CAMPGROUND.

Seriously!!!!! That is what I heard. I literally stopped in my virtual tracks ( I was driving, I couldn’t physically just stop in the middle of the road. Duh). I  at first thought I heard it wrong, but then heard them say the name two more times, TWO MORE TIMES and burst into spontaneous hysterical laughter–I was still giggling like mad when I got to work. Hell, I am still giggling as I type it. Yes. I am a teenager. Hush.  Gizem. Teehee.

I was thinking to myself, how fucking awesome is that, and I wish I had an RV  just to stay there so I could literally say, ” I totally camped at the Gizem Trail”.  The connotations here are freakin’ endless!!!

Anyway, I came to work, with the intentions of blogging about this fabulously named RV campground. But when I went to Google it, so I could link it up to my blog so I could actually have proof this place existed? Yeah, I got NOTHING!!!!  I checked all kinds of ways. NOTHING! Nothing to be found on anything even closely resembling the name “Gizem Trail” that I swear I heard them say on the radio. GRRRRRRRR

Maybe all that talk about my past drug adventures has brought on some flashbacks?? And now I am hallucinating??  I’ve heard that LSD can reside in your spinal cord for years…so maybe I popped my back just right or something??

Or maybe I just took a quick detour into the gutter…….

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Fifty is Fabulous…

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Holy mother of monkey nuts! This is my 50th blog!!!  I am kind of tripping! I cannot believe I have written 50 blogs!! I am so impressed with myself! **Pats self on back**

When I first started this blog in January, my goal was to do at least two blogs a week. At that time, I was wracked with anxiety, wondering how in the hell I was going to come up with two things a week to vomit onto this virtual paper. Yet, less than 12 weeks later, I have managed to heave a whole bunch of crap onto you poor unsuspecting people…..and be proud of it to boot!

So at this point, I am going to celebrate my 50th blog by telling you some more random funny stupid things I’ve done! Just because I want to–and seriously, seven just wasn’t enough for you to get the full gist of my crazy. And you have nothing better to do than read this silly nonsense that ejects itself from my brain onto this site via my fingers (that type a lot of words per minute–teehee).

So lets get this partay started!

Before I officially start, I must tell you, that yesterday I saw a dude on a bicycle with an upright vacuum strapped to his back riding down the street at 1030 pm. Seriously. Who does this? A vacuum on your back. As you ride a bike. WTF???  If it wasn’t dark, I would have a picture for you. Because I am that girl who takes the random pics of strange things I see in public. I have no shame.

  • I once fried a hamburger with a spider in it. I know this sounds weird, considering my ridiculous aversion to those 8-legged creepsters, but it is true. When I was a teenager, we had step-dads. Quite a few actually. One of the last ones that we had as teens had children of his own. Three of them. The youngest was a boy. He lived with us, while the other two lived with their mom.  (I like details. Don’t judge me)  Anyhoo…once time it was just the three of us home, and we had to make ourselves dinner. So we decided to fry up some hamburgers. So as we were frying them in the pan, on the stove, a random spider dropped down out of the oven hood towards our burgers. Since we both were chicken shits, we decided to see what would happen and where it would go. So we stepped back and watched it dangle above the burgers. I think it felt the heat, so it didn’t really drop that fast. At one point it tried going back up, but the popping grease made that a bit slippery.  Eventually it dropped onto a burger in the pan. At that moment, me and my sister were on the same wavelength, so we just flipped that burger and cooked that sucker in that hamburger. Then served it to our stepbrother. For dinner. Fried spider burger. We never told him. Hopefully he never comes across this blog………spider burger
  • I once crashed my car onto the courthouse steps. Seriously. It was winter, in Utah, and I was very, very, very high (and by high I mean trippin’ balls)on quite a few hits of acid. Like 7, if I recall correctly. Which I may not. Because I was high. Duh.  Anyway, I was driving down the boulevard, when this dude on a bicycle came out of nowhere! And when I say nowhere, I really mean that. Did I mention I was trippin balls?!! Though I still maintain he was real; my friend disagrees. Oops, sorry, got off the subject.  So I was “cruisin’ the ‘vard” when I saw this dude on a bike. I swerved to miss hitting him and hit a patch of ice and slid—up the curb, across the sidewalk, through the grass, onto the front steps of the courthouse. Which was located in front of the police station and the jail. Where I had warrants. For speeding and other driving misdemeanors.  I actually would have driven away, but the impact blew my front right tire out. Loudly. And a few officers came running around the front of the building before I could get the hell out of dodge. (did I mention I was trippin’ balls?) I was checking my car for damage and moaning and groaning about the tire. Mind you, my friend had already bailed on me. He literally leaped out of the car the second we came to a stop. Rude. Long story concluded–I got arrested, my car got towed, and I spent the next 24 hours in jail on 7 hits of acid.  Trippin’ balls didn’t even BEGIN to cover it at that point…..
I landed on those stairs. Back then all those bushes and shit weren't there.... It was a clear shot!

I landed on those stairs. Back then all those bushes and shit weren’t there…. It was a clear shot! And the jail and police station was directly behind it…

  • I once got pulled over by a cop and was told that I needed to “pull my cranium from my anus.” Direct quote. At the time, I had no fucking clue what he had just told me. Me and my friend were driving home from cruisin the ‘vard (this was a constant activity) at like 4 in the morning, smoking the ganja;  hot-boxing the car in fact. (for those of you who are not familiar with hot-boxing, it means smoking with all the windows up so you get to inhale all the smoke trapped in the vehicle). We had just turned down the street to get on the freeway, when I noticed some flashing red lights in my rearview mirror. Ummm…FUCK!  So we tried to crack the windows a little at a time to get the smoke out a little at a time–we didn’t want the mushroom cloud effect right in front of an officer of the law for hell’s sake! Yeah…that didn’t really work……  So I pulled over, he came up to my window, I tried not to roll it down too much, however,  he insisted–then stepped back as the mushroom cloud of marijuana smoke engulfed him…. He then asked where we were going, so I told him (home). Mind you, this whole time, I am stoned out of my skull, hoping in my hazy stupor that he doesn’t notice, trying to act normal–like I didn’t just give him a contact high from my hot-box adventure. (hot box. Hmm. Get out of the gutter) oh, and say no to drugs people–stupidity happens!!!! Oddly enough, he DID notice. Go figure. And made me give up my bag and pipe–which actually pissed me off because it was my favorite pipe. It was wood and glass with a unicorn etched in the glass. It was AWESOME!  But I regress…. So i had to give up my precious pipe and stash. He went and put it in his car (I assume) and ran my license and plates and whatnot. Luckily I had no warrants at this time. Which was rare for me. Ugh.   He then proceeded to ask me if I knew why he pulled me over. I was high, so I assumed I was speeding (in all honesty, I had no freakin’ clue). He said no, you were not speeding, which just confused me at this point. So I asked why he pulled me over. He said, ” you were going 21 miles per hour in a 40 mph zone!” Direct quote. I was stunned. I still don’t believe I was going that slow. I NEVER went that slow. Please. I was a lawbreaker, man!  Anyway, luckily for us, he didn’t give me a ticket, he just told me to get my ass home (faster) and pull my cranium from my anus. Which sent my friend into fits of laughter–as I confusedly tried to figure out what the hell he had just said to me.   It wasn’t until we got home (safely) and my friend stopped laughing (which was a while since we were high), that she finally told me what he said–in stupid stoned girl terms. I was offended. How rude, right??!!!hotbox

Ok, those are long stories….so I will give you a break and continue on another day with my youthful asinine adventures.  Stay tuned……

As you were.

In the words of Doug Butabi..

Today, my daughter finally read my last few posts. While I was watching. And she LAUGHED OUT LOUD. It was totally freakin’ awesome!!!!

The best validation ever is your teenage kids thinking you (their -gasp-mother) are funny. My life is complete. I can die happy.

In the words of Doug Butabi…. “She approved! Approved!!”

She APPROVED! APPROVED!!

She APPROVED! APPROVED!!

Geez, I am easy…..

OH EM GEE!!! I feel so special…

Nominated by FarmerFarthing!  SHe rocks!

Nominated by FarmerFarthing! She rocks!

Sooooooooooooo….I was nominated for ANOTHER AWARD!!!!  Holy specialness batman! I feel like Miss America (but without the hot body and useless brain)!!!  This one was given to me by FarmerFarthing–who is absolutely awesome! And funny to boot!  Check her out here!

She says–and I quote– “ThatsRonToYou blogs about anything that tickles, aggravates or inspires her and is always full of humour.”  AWWWWWWWWW!!!!   Thanks so much for this nomination! Mucho appreciated!

So now, as before, I have to answer a random question(s) and then I can nominate others if I wanna!  And duh, of course I wanna!!!  So my question is as follows –>  I have to list seven random facts about myself and pay it forward by nominating other bloggers I think are fabulous.    (oh geez, are you sure you want to know these things? You might want to pause here, weigh your options, and then either run, run away, or continue on. Just remember, I have no TMI filter. Just saying)

Ok boys and girls, HERE WE GO!!!

Seven Random Facts About Ron:

  • When I clean my left ear with a Q-tip, it triggers my gag reflex. Every. Single. Time.  Don’t ask me why. It just is. Always has been. I am a freak. I’ve accepted this….and so should you. And it’s only my left ear. My right ear is all good with the cleaning!!
  • I am a Hello Kitty collector. And by collector, I mean fucking hoarder! I have an entire room in my house dedicated to my collection. EVERY single wall is covered in shelves upon shelves of Hello Kitty stuff. If you can name it, I most likely have it in my collection. I started this collection about 6 or 7 years ago (weird story behind what started it) and everyone in my life has pretty much contributed to it in one way or another. It is so large, that I can literally go in and “shop” for my friends’ daughter when I have doubles of things. I enable small children to the cuteness that is Hello Kitty. I will have to post pictures another time. It is rather overwhelming. At this point, I would probably put the value on my entire collection at about $15-20,000.   Yes. I have a problem. Embrace it!  (oh, and feel free to send me HK stuff! I NEEEEED it!)
  • I am a true to form blonde headed creature. I was born blonde, I grew up blonde (well with a few random other colors thrown in here and there when the urge struck me). My hair has only been black for about three years (yup, the curtains don’t match the carpet anymore)…….and the only reason for that is that before I went black (and no, I can never go back) I was blonde on the top with black underneath. Which was amazing! Except for the maintenance. Having to dye both the blonde and the black is quite the chore. If you know anything about black dye, you will know (or learn right now) that it usually has violet undertones (unless you get  a specific undertone) so it will turn a purplish color before it turns black when dyeing. So to make a really long story short, one day I was dyeing the black (because I was kind of a slacker on that underneath), and I was in a hurry, so I rinsed my hair in the sink instead of getting in the shower.  You should now have a visual of me with my head under the faucet which meant I was (like a fucking moron) RINSING THE BLACK OUT OVER THE BLONDE. Ummm DUH!  Needless to say, I turned my blonde hair violet. It was awesome. NOT.  And by violet, I mean like little old lady at the salon violet.  Now I know you are thinking “you can just dye the blonde back to blonde”.  I know this is what you are thinking–and not because I am psychic–but because this was my first thought as well.  HOW-FUCKING-EVER, this was absolutely NOT the case. WHY? I don’t know. But nothing I did got the violet out. So I figured, eh, maybe it will wash out. So I went to work (at a cancer center) with violet and black hair. For a week. My friends STILL talk shit. So I gave up and dyed all of it black.
  • When I dyed my hair all black, I completely FREAKED OUT!!!  Yes, I had to make this a new random fact about me. The other paragraph was getting rambly. I will continue here…lol.   So yes, after being blonde my whole freakin’ life (with random purples, maroons, browns, reds here and there) seeing myself with solid black hair freaked me the fuck out. My boyfriend was with me when I did it and I stood there, in the bathroom mirror, looking at my extremely black hair and just sobbed. And sobbed. For hours. Days. I was traumatized. Seriously traumatized. However, I learned to love it–and now I will never be blonde again. I love the black hair. It suits me. And the maintenance is soooo easy!  Though the weird ass backward root grow out is different. Instead of dark roots with light hair, I now have light roots with dark hair. Weird.
  • I have over 1000 books on my kindle. Literally. Electronic hoarding. It fucking rocks. This is also why I am completely addicted to Pinterest. Electronic hoarding at its finest. Best shit ever!!!!!  It not only satisfies my need to shop (all my kindle books were free from amazon), it also gives my OCD a way to keep all my hoardiness in nice, neat little boards on Pinterest.  Two for one! Yeah baby!!!
  • I have tried multiple times to kill my sister.  Ok, seriously, pick up your jaw. I am not a killer. She is still alive and kicking at this very minute. And she will grow old and senile and die from natural causes–not by my hand. I know this is a shocking statement, but it is, sadly, psychotically, disturbingly true. I was a very stressed out, angsty and furious child/teenager. And my sister was an easy target. Especially since she was the favorite and I was the devil. Once I chased her around the house with a butcher knife because she pissed me off for reasons I cannot recall now, but am sure was really stupid. I am convinced she has a seriously intense guardian angel now, because I never did manage to catch her when I was in my blind rages. Something always happened that stopped me before I actually made contact with her physical self–usually I got hurt. Thank GOD–or karma or whomever. Because as sad as it is, I know, without a doubt, that if I had ever caught her, I would have killed her or at the least seriously fucked her up. And yes, I have dealt with the guilt. Don’t judge me–this will make you feel better. One time, I was on the phone with my bf at the time, and she was talking shit to me. I flew into a rage, went and grabbed a bat and took off after her. She ran, I ran. She went into her bedroom, I started swinging. The bedroom door closed and the bat came in contact with the door very, very hard–left a huge dent. Well…this pissed me the fuck off. Mostly because I wasn’t able to hit her and the reverberations from the bat hitting the door that hard fucking HURT!  So I got even more angry and threw the bat on the floor. Which was carpet. Yes, instant karma about to happen. The fucking piece of shit bat bounced off the carpet, came up and HIT ME IN THE FACE–breaking my nose. Yup. That really happened. Karma is a bitch sometimes. And because it hurt, and I was bleeding, I started yelling for her to come help. She thought I was trying to trick her, so she left me to deal with my karmic would my own self.  Seriously, I was a fucking psycho. Thank god for psychiatrists and medication. I worked through most of my issues. I still have rage issues, but they are few and far between, and the violence is pretty much gone. Lucky for my children……….hahaha!
  • I am TERRIFIED (yet sickly fascinated) of spiders. And by terrified, I mean anxiety attack, hyperventilation status. I have been this way as long as I can remember. I have no clue what triggered it. Perhaps some random traumatic spider encounter in my childhood that I have completely blocked out??!  Regardless, I am super, super askurred of them. I realize that I am like a trillion times bigger than them. But they are creepy as fuck and they crawl and jump and they are fast and creepy and have a ton of eyes and creepiness and ewwww!  When I was younger, I would literally have a panic attack and lose my fucking mind. To the point that I have made all three of my kids afraid of them too, just from my behavior. I have learned to control the anxiety attacks when it comes to them, especially after I realized how it was affecting my children. As I get older, I am better. I can kill them now. At least the ones that are not above chest level. If they are any higher than that, especially on the ceiling? Forget it! It ain’t happening. If I can’t kill it, I have to move. I have been known to sleep in my car when a spider has gone missing. Or at a friends. I have issues. Shush.  I have also called people who don’t live at my house to come over in the middle of the night to kill them. They all must die. I don’t care how good for the environment they are.  Yet……………………..I am oddly fascinated by the creepy little beasts. I know a lot about them, though it may be a know your enemy type thing. I have a fascination with taking pictures of black widows. No clue why. (See comment about issues above). FYI: the bonus of having cats? Less spiders and cockroaches. Just saying.

Ok, so there you go. I am sorry if I traumatized you with my confessions. Did I mention I have no TMI filter? And really, don’t be afraid for my people. I have learned to control my weirdness for the most part. At least the weirdness that can harm others. Physically. Still working on the verbal abuse I randomly hurl. Bad Ron.

Anyhoo….. the nominations for the Versatile award are:   (drumroll please)

TrentLewin–because he is damn funny. And I hear he is a doctor…….

El Guapo–because he gets my sense of humor. Though I am not sure if that scares me or not….

Multifarious Meanderings–because she really cares about punctuation and grammar. For that I salute her! I am not worthy! Oh and she makes me laugh! Bonus!

And……………I’m spent. Goodnight and have a lovely tomorrow!!!! Ron out.

An Award??!! Little ol’ me????

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So I was nominated for a Leibster award! It is my first award! Ever, in fact. Which makes it that much cooler! I was nominated by another blogger–> naptimethoughts! Thank you! Gracias! Danke! Mahalo! You rock!

So I guess when you are “awarded” something, you have a list of questions to answer, then you nominate someone else. Its like a perpetual circle of Leibster joy! I am a fan!

My questions are as follows:

“Which of your followers would? (and why?)”  (this is actually rather hard, since I am all new and junk, but I ain’t skurred to try!)

If something horrible happened to you, and you lay bleeding on the side of the road, which of your followers would:

  1. use their hands, feet and face to staunch the bleeding?
    1. For this one, I am pretty sure Beefy’s House O’ Fun would totally hook me up with the staunching of the blood. Why? Because it would be crazy and messy and grody and he could totally bitch blog about it and make it so exciting and funny that I would feel like I had an adventure rather than a life threatening horribleness!
  2. step gingerly over the pools of your blood and stand by your side while the paramedics came?
    1. Joeyfullystated would totally have my back (or side) while I bled out and waited for the paramedics! Because I totally relate to her and am pretty convinced I would do the same for her. Or anyone. Because I am not okay with all that blood. But I totes magotes gotchyer back!!!
  3. run to your aid while writing a post on what’s happening at the same time?
    1. For this one, I think that Perpetual Plot Hole would definitely step up! All the while, doodling on her post it notes and making the whole thing so much more awesome than it really was!!! I think she would run to my aid because she is just that kind of chica…and she really cares about people things ( I know this because she totally took care of her car when it was “bleeding on the side of the road”, and she has a badass car repair bandana!) Plus she didn’t get mad at the strange southern people who thought she was all crazy and shit fixing her own car! She’s cool like that! And she does the best stick figures EVER!!!!
  4. reach into their mom purse and have everything she needed to treat your injuries on the spot?
    1. I am VERY convinced that FarmerFarthing would totally step to my aid and use everything she had at her disposal to staunch the bleeding! I am very convinced she has a large bag o’ fun from her asylum with everything except (or including) the kitchen sink! Plus, her great sense of humor would make everything awesome, even as she was using a maxi pad to apply pressure….

So now that I am a complier of my award instructions, my next step is to nominate others!  YAY!!!  If I had time and space and whatnot, I would seriously nominate all the blogs I follow, because they all bring me joy in their own special ways!  However, I don’t have that luxury since I follow A LOT of bloggers!  So I am going to nominate my top five–the ones who seriously make me spit my drink laugh out loud!!

You guys make my day! No matter what kind of day I am having, I can always come to WordPress and find something that makes me laugh and/or feel better about my life! Thank you all for that.

Now, for the nominees…

  1. Perpetual Plot Hole
  2. JoeyfullyStated
  3. FarmerFarthing
  4. Once Upon Your Prime…
  5. I Am Begging My Mother not to Read this Blog

So now for the questions:

–What started your blogging adventures?

–If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?

–Who is someone you admire and why?

–What is your favorite activity of all time?

–What three foods could you not live without?

So I think that is all I have to do! If I forgot something, let me know!  And thanks again for the nomination!

Just one of those things…….

Soooo…………..have you ever had something happen, that has never happened before, that just makes your world and your person a better, happier, more thrilling place to be?

I had one of those moments the other day. Something happened that surprised and shocked me. Something I never thought would ever happen—because it had never happened before–so when it did happen, I was a bit speechless. Which is weird for me. So since I couldn’t talk, I just cried. Because I am THAT girl.

Regardless, I just want to say thank you to whatever karma I put out there that brought this back to me. 

For now, my world is perfect!!!

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Conflicted….

 

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I am conflicted. Which is not far from confused. Which is not rare in my world. Here is why:

I have been chatting with one of my radiologists about the changes in healthcare over the last 20 years, and the new Obamacare crap that is rearing its ugly head in the world of medicine now. And by crap, I mean I am absolutely NOT a fan–which is another story for another time. Maybe.

Anyhoo, we were talking about writing a book about how the world of healthcare has changed for the worse and the better, but that as an MD, everyone just assumes that if a medical doctor writes a book about the changes in healthcare he/she just wants more money. However, if other healthcare personnel wrote a book about it, then it may be something legitimately concerning…since money wouldn’t really be an issue. If that makes sense?

So having been in the medical field since I was a teenager, and having very strong opinions about the changes I have personally seen from that time period to now, maybe I would write a book about my thoughts/opinions/feelings on this subject. BUT, I am askurred. For a few reasons. 

Number one–I don’t think I am a very good writer. I mean, I know how to write, but I tend to write how I talk. And because of my strong feelings about healthcare, could I really be unbiased? Or is being biased fine, since it would be my book about my thoughts/opinions/feelings?

Number two–I have no idea how to go about getting something like that out there to the public. I know there are ways you can self publish and whatnot–but I feel like if I did write a book about this, I would want more than just what self-publishing would produce. Is that greedy? Realistic? Idealistic? Reaching? Possible?

Number three–I don’t know how I would do with the criticism that comes with writing about such a controversial subject. I mean, I may thrive, but I may also cower. Who knows…

So what I am thinking is to just write everything I want to say, in my own words and feelings and style, then go from there. If I hate it, I never have to allow it to leave my computer….but if I like it, I can always edit it and see what I can do, right?

Thoughts?