How come…………

When you are really, really, really, REALLY, looking forward to something……………..TIME becomes a fucking TURTLE????  

Minutes take hours; hours take days; days take weeks! Come on, man!  Speed it up already!!!



Thank you for listening. As you were.



Enjoy it while it lasts……..

Every year, my kids go to my sister’s house in another state and compete in the Dirty Dash. This is, for those of you who aren’t in the know, is a race, in mud. Hence the name Dirty. And Dash.

Anyway, this is the first year that my daughter, who turned 18 last year, has a job that would possibly stop her from going to my sisters house for the normal month or three that they usually go for.  So we were talking about it last night and I reminded her that she needed to put in a request at work for time off. She didn’t say much to that.

The reason, as I found out later, that she didn’t really reply then, was that she is planning on quitting her job right before this trip happens….  When she told me this, I was like, “Ummm no. Life doesn’t work that way. You cannot just quit a job to go play with your aunt for however long.”

Side note: my rules in my casa are that once you turn 18, you better be working or in school if you want to continue to live under my roof. If no work or school, you best find another roof.   My kids have known this their whole lives. So it’s not new information to them.

So I asked her what she was going to do for money, and she said she is saving her money for this very purpose. Ok.  Still thinking that is not gonna happen.  So I got my butt to work, but this was on my mind the whole night.  I was trying to figure out how she could or would justify just up and quitting her job without having another job…..

On my way home from work, I was telling myself how irresponsible that is. Then the light bulb came on!!!!

And it hit me......

And it hit me……


So I came home and told her exactly that.  I wish her well. I hope she has a blast with her irresponsibility!!!!!  She is a good kid. She deserves all the irresponsibility she wants. For a limited time!


Nice people. They DO exist!!!


So I am on my way home this morning, when the thought occurred to me “crap, February ends tomorrow, and my tags on my car expire.” HOLY SHIT!!!!  First of all, it’s not like I didn’t KNOW this. I’ve had a whole year to remember; the notice came in the mail three months ago; and I have spoken of it multiple times in the last month and a half.

YET, I just remembered today. Sooooo….I found the nearest emissions place and drove on in. The sign said they opened at 8am. It was 730. Eh, I figured I would just wait.  But the dude in the shop was very cool, and told me to pull my car in, he just had to finish calibrating the gas cap thingy. (He didn’t say thingy. That would be so unprofessional!)

So he got all my info, and had me get out of the car. I did this. Then he attached something to the panel under my dashboard. No clue what it was or what it did. All I could think was “oh god, I hope that thingy doesn’t tell him my oxygen sensors are bad”!!  But he said nothing. Then he took this greenish tubey thingy (yeah, I am liking this word this morning. I got “thingys” on my mind!), and put it over the hole I put gas into. Then went around and pushed a button on his machine………thingy! 🙂  Sorry, couldn’t help it. I will stop. Maybe.

So then we were just chatting while we waited for that tube thing (haha, you thought!) to do its job.  He says, ” you don’t happen to like the Chicago Bears, do you?”  I said, “Whatever would give you that idea??”  (On my little SUV is a Bears tire cover, Bears stickers, Bears fuzzy dice, and my Bears work lanyard).  We laughed. And he was like “well before you go, I will give you something from my bin.”  He was a super nice guy, so this didn’t freak me out.

So he finished my car, handed me my passed emissions certificate (WHEW), took my credit card, concluded the transaction and told me to wait there. He walked over to some door in the car wash area, and came back and gave me a Chicago Bears thingy (had to get it in one last time) that lights up!  It is very cool, though it needs new batteries!

He also gave me a pen and a vanilla air freshener. (Hopefully not because my car smells like dog, but just because he was nice)

He told me that he finds all kinds of things in his car wash and keeps everything in a bin until it is full, then goes and donates it to one of the thrift stores. I thought that was cool. He also told me that if I wanted to stop by here and there, he would keep any Chi Bears things he finds for me…!!!

Restored faith in a small part of humanity this morning!  There are still nice people out there…………..yay!


The loves of my life!

The loves of my life!

Just a random collage of the loves in my life……….kind of a face with my stories type of thing. Plus, I made it myself, so I am really cool and wanted to share that….lol. I gots skills, yo!

Yellow shepherd dog= Koda (my oldest pup)
Brown boxer pup = Whiskey (my baby dog)
Gray cat = Niko (my oldest cat)
Two black cats= CJ and Kendal (hard to tell apart in pics, but one has green eyes and one has yellow eyes)
Black labbish pit bull pup= Frodo (he was 12, went to doggie heaven in Nov 13  😦 )

Boy on bike= oldest son
Girl= only daughter
Other boy = youngest son

Gifts from the gods….errrr dogs!

I am quite aware that I am not the only one who experiences this, lets call it a phenomenon, gift giving from  your pets. 

Now, don’t get me wrong, I LOVE getting gifts, especially when they are thoughtful and shit and make me realize someone really knows me and/or listens to me! I love that shit. It’s my favorite!  HOWEVER, I do not require gifts from my animals. Their being in my life is gift enough………….BUT I cannot seem to make them understand this. Instead, I get this:

Offering from my dogs...

Offering from my dogs…

Mind you, this is not the first time we have been given a bird. This bird here, was originally brought in alive…….then taken back outside, at which point, it hobbled on its one leg into the shed where I proceeded to try to block it from my dogs.  We didn’t have the heart to kill it. I know it should have been put out of its misery the FIRST time we were aware of it. But I could not bring myself to do it. Even though there were random shovels everywhere,  just mocking me from afar. (I don’t know if its a good thing or bad thing that I am not capable of killing an animal–regardless of its current state)

So this poor bird took shelter in my shed. UNTIL, the dogs figured out how to get past my barriers of aluminum and chicken wire. Fucking smart ass dogs. (Note to self: next animal must be stupid. These smart ones are too clever).

So this is what we ended up with. God Bless my daughter who dealt with it! Because I have no stomach for issues such as these.  Poor bird. I hate, hate, hate pigeons, but no bird, even rat birds, deserve to be mauled to death by a huge goofy ass boxer puppy.  Especially since he likes to fling things…..I can imagine the carnage. (And cue the gagging….)

My older dog, she doesn’t really do the bird catching thing. Though that might only be because she has never managed to catch them. She is a lizard gatherer. She loves to catch them, toss them around, pull off their tails/heads/legs, then bring them inside to show us her prize!!  I can tolerate lizards, though I do prefer them intact and running from  me, not maimed and bloody and flying through the air as my dog tosses them in joy! Yeah, umm, eww.

And it’s not only my dogs that like to gift us with random carnage. My cats are really good at this as well………though they are a bit more sly about it.  

For example, my Russian blue once caught a mouse. He brought it inside, and instead of giving it to us, he went and made himself comfortable on MY bed, with the dead mouse and cuddled with it as he napped. Yeah……THAT was awesome. Not a mouse fan. Alive or dead. And especially not on my bed. Where I sleep. Sometimes naked. Mouse mung. EWWWW. 

This same cat also managed to catch a bird in flight off my balcony when we lived in our old apartment. He managed to get it inside, which became quite the adventure for us! It somehow got away from him, and started flying violently and haphazardly in the hall, trying to escape. Me and my daughter went wild, trying to help it out (without actually touching it) and keep the cat from getting it again.  In the end, we managed to get it safely and intactly out of the house with the help of a pan and a tennis racket.  Use your imagination. 

My other two cats are also lizard hunters. Though getting a lizard from a cat is like the hardest thing on the planet. So we just let them have at it til they are done and pray there is hydrogen peroxide in the cupboard to clean up the blood afterward……

This also brings to mind another story of my animals–though this one isn’t about them showering us with gifts. Though I think when all was said and done, it ended up being the greatest gift ever given by my animals.

So when we first moved into our house three years ago, the neighbors directly behind us raised pigeons. (Can you see where this is going?)  At the time, we only had our three cats, who were inside/outside cats. Needless to say, they were fascinated, FASCINATED, by the pigeon coop in the neighbors back yard.  It was made of wood, with chicken wire on the front and a coop on the top where the birds could come and go as they pleased. AS COULD MY CATS.  I can’t truthfully say they killed…errr played with, any of the pigeons in that coop, because I never actually witnessed it with my eyes. However, now and then I would hear some crazy racket and dude yelling.  Well, as time went on, there were fewer and fewer pigeons coming around. Whether they just stopped coming on their own and warned all their friends/family about the danger, I don’t rightly know. I do know, that by the next summer, the pigeon coop was no more.  Which is why this may actually have been the greatest gift my animals have ever given us. I hated those stupid, dirty, shitting on everything, flying rat-like birds.  So whatever the reason behind their disappearance, I am forever grateful……

So, all you readers of my blog, do you have animals that bring you presents?  I would love to hear about them...

Yes. Yes. Yes. OH YES!!!!

Six inches of brown goodness, filled with gooey, creamy filling that melts in my mouth when it hits my wet tongue. I love to insert you into my mouth and wrap my lips around your shaft and sigh as I slowly sink my teeth into you and welcome your amazing flavor that bursts onto my tongue and fills me with all of your creamy goodness……….

Oh Milky Way Simply Caramel, how I love you so!!!!